This week has been a very emotionally tiring week for me. My grandma is still in the hospital and not doing well. We almost lost her yesterday. Today marks 3 weeks she's been in the hospital. We have visited almost everyday day. Some days it's harder to get up there because Ethan is not allowed in ICU. Someone has to stay with him or we take turns in the waiting room. I'm emotionally spent. And my parents even more so.

I had an interview yesterday for a coaching position with the Highsteppers. It's something that I have wanted to do for so many years. I was so anxious and so nervous before my interview. I prayed the whole way there and even went early so I could sit in the car and pray some more. I'm not sure why I was so nervous. Maybe because I want this with my whole heart. Maybe because I'm terrified of disappointing those girls. Maybe because my grandma wants it so much for me and I want to make her proud.

I left the interview feeling a little disappointed in myself. Did I say the right thing? Did I even remotely answer that question- I know I gave an answer but did it answer the question? I came home and cried to Brian who did his best to encourage me. I talked to my mom who said the same things Brian did.

Then I went to see my grandma who is back on the ventilator again. It's not what she wants but it may save her life.

As I laid in bed last night reading to Ethan I decided that it doesn't matter what happens. To my grandma. To my job. God is in control. Whatever happens happens and that's okay. And I thank him for giving me Ethan who says, "It's okay, Mama."